Let Go of Unhealthy Relationship

Many of us cling to the familiar, even when it’s steeped in pain.

Listen, friends, I see you there. 

You are in a relationship that feels like a battlefield – a constant barrage of negativity, choked by sorrow, poisoned by hatred. The joy you once shared has curdled into a bitter potion.

The rain keeps mimicking the tears I can’t seem to stop. It is like the world weeps for the love that has become a battleground. We fight, not for each other, but against the wreckage of what we once stood for. We are together but doing nothing together. Your words, like shards of broken glass, pierce the fragile hope that flickers within me.

Lots of voices are echoing in my head. At this point, my emotional baggage is full, and I am now stuck in-between “Sadness and Anger”. Images flashed through my mind, pictures flicked back like a slideshow. 

The person am seeing is not the person I knew at the beginning. I am in my house but living away from home. I have become a prisoner right in my home. I couldn’t see or feel your physical existence with my eyes wide open despite standing in my present, but in the good old days, even with my eyes closed and far away from, home I could feel and see you in the world that I called my own-This is what many of us are facing in our relationships.

Letting go feels like severing a limb, a painful amputation of a part of myself once intertwined with yours. 

Memories – beautiful and brutal, become chains that bind me, holding onto the good times, the stolen moments of laughter, and the whispered promises that now echo with hollowness. It is a constant battle between the truth of the abuse and the desperate yearning for the love I thought we had.

There’s comfort in the familiar, even when it’s drenched in sorrow, leaving feels like jumping into a vast unknown, a terrifying free-fall. The thought of being alone, facing the world without you, is enough to make me cling to the scraps of this broken relationship.

But a sorrowful truth settles in my gut – love shouldn’t feel like this. 

Love that tears you down isn’t love at all. It’s a cage, gilded with fleeting moments of affection, that slowly steals your light. I know, deep down, that staying is a slow, agonizing suicide. Here’s the truth we often whisper but struggle to hear: This isn’t love. Love doesn’t build its throne on misery. It doesn’t take away the trophies of your happiness. Love uplifts, it doesn’t abuse.

You say you want to stay, to sacrifice your joy for the sake of the relationship. But here’s the brutal truth: your pain bleeds. It bleeds onto your children, your friends, your family, and every aspect of your life. You can’t shield them from this storm.

Sacrifice isn’t self-immolation.  It’s about choosing a different path a path that leads you not to oblivion, but to a place of healing. 

Here’s the truth bomb:  Staying in a loveless, disappointing relationship doesn’t protect anyone.  It can breed resentment, impacting your physical and mental well-being.

Don’t confuse staying with strength.  True strength lies in taking stock of your situation and choosing a path that leads to growth, even if it’s scary.

But listen closely!  This pain you carry isn’t a badge of honour. It’s a shackle that binds you, and its shadow stretches far beyond you. Your children see it, your friends feel it, and the joy you once held hostage by this suffering seeps from your grasp.

Please don’t get me wrong. I’m not pushing you toward divorce.  But I urge you to seek professional help, a therapist who can help you navigate this terrain.  They can be your guide, as you assess your options and explore paths toward healing and happiness.

Is disappointment your only struggling companion?  Are there embers of affection, flickers of respect that still exist? Something you can still be grateful for, if so, there’s a chance to rebuild, to rekindle the flame.  But that requires honest communication with your spouse.

However, if the pain is a constant silent killing companion or the well of love feels perpetually dry,  we have to ask a difficult question, “Are you clinging to a ghost of a relationship?”

Just be honest with yourself, play no game for the sake of justifying your exit. After all possible means to bring back peaceful coexistence have proved abortive. Then it’s time. 

So I fight, this time, for myself.  The fight to leave is a fight for my survival.  It’s a fight to reclaim the love I deserve, a love that cherishes, respects, and uplifts.  It’s a fight with tears and heartache, but with each step away, a sliver of hope begins to mend the broken pieces within.

This is my sorrowful goodbye, a letting go paved with tears. But through the rain, I dare to believe there’s a rainbow waiting on the other side.

Abidemi Okiji is PA to Erelu Apesin Funmilayo Aiyeola, Chairperson, Erelu Apesin Funmilayo Aiyeola, Foundation, a Non-Governmental Organization (NGO), saddled with the responsibility of bringing Hope to the hopeless, through Educational, Health and Economic development programmes.

Abidemi is a Mentor to Youths and is proudly Nigerian.

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