Most public higher institutions in Nigeria do not have enough halls of residence to cope with the teeming population of students admitted annually into the schools, thus resulting in many students hiring privately organized hostels outside the campuses. To cut costs, two or more students will share a room or apartment close to the campus. The lucky few who secured residence on the campuses also have to contend with issues arising from sharing rooms just like their colleagues who live off the campus.
Anticipating sharing a room in the school with total strangers is exhilarating, it is an opportunity to meet people and make new friends. Until you have one, you may not know what it takes to share an apartment with people. The experience of some people about sharing a room is something they will love to put behind them in a hurry, whereas, to others it is fun memories.
Let’s paint a typical scenario: You have decided to check in early at the hall of residence so that you can choose a choice corner; possibly to get the best wardrobe and space in the room. As you approach the porters’ lodge, you start to wonder about the type of persons that you’ll have to share your stay with. With your luggage in hand, you’re eager to move into your room, but as you turn the key to open the door, someone has already been there before you, and then you perceived a smell. This smell could be anything ranging from cigarette to incense if the person has some strong religious inclinations. What would you do in such a circumstance?
Living with people, particularly, strangers require hard work and sensitivity to other person’s needs. You must recognize that individuals have their idiosyncrasies, which you will have to cope with.
On a typical day, unavoidable tension can just grow between you and your roommate thus resulting in sulking and the need for some quiet moment. It is also possible to come back from class only to see that your roommate has messed up the whole place. It will then dawn on you that you are going to be in for a very long semester.
Everyone has his or her quirks, and some people simply will not just gel with others. If you are paired with somebody that does not meet your ideals, it is important to stay level-headed. With good communication strategies, you might be able to change the situation.
Different types of people can come as your roommate.
The Messy type
It is difficult coping with an unorganized roommate. Being unorganized could just be a lifestyle to some people and may not be a deliberate act to hurt any person. You may humbly take up the challenge to clean up the room on the first day, subsequently, start by gently asking him to pick up his things and arrange his things in a friendly but frank manner. If he continues to throw things about, do not accuse or quarrel with the person, but explain how the rubbish he throws around affects you.
The Go-Go Type
He is more involved in almost all the parties happening on and off the campus and you can’t catch him dealing with a course assignment. The only time he seems to be around is when he comes to sleep at 2:00 am. You may not be bothered by this, but when he starts showing his wild habit of playing loud music; occasionally smoking cigarettes, or bringing wild friends to the room, then it may be time to speak. If your roommate is disturbing your peace, especially if his lifestyle affects your health, then it is time to talk. Try not to attack his morals, but gently focus on how his behaviour affects you. Compromising your sleep and safety could portend danger. In situations such as this, making a report to the school authorities should be the best thing to do.
The Bookworm
This type of roommate is referred to as efiko or akada in Nigerian schools’ lingo. He doesn’t necessarily do anything wrong. He is a silent bookworm type. He prefers to keep the house quiet and boring. More often than not, this type of roommate is not bad but might be bothered any time you have friends around you in the room, especially if they are talking excitedly, or even just listening to some music. In this case, talk to your roommate about fair arrangements to make both of you happy. Give your roommate as much notice as you can before inviting friends to sleep over, and gently encourage him to come out of his shell. Sometimes, simply including your roommate in something you are doing will reduce or break any tension. If you must play your music, you should be considerate by using an earpiece or a headphone so that you don’t become a nuisance.
Mother Hen Type
At times, your roommate would have been excited to see you. This type of personality is common among girls, though you may have them among males too. She looks friendly, and watches all your moves; wishing to know why you keep late nights. She might ask to know when you will be home; and where you were spending all of your time. You possibly want a little personal space. How can you ask such a person to mind her business without hurting her feelings since her curiosity in your affairs could be out of share love? In a situation like this, you need to thread softly and avoid being too hard with your honesty. Let her know that, while you like having her as a roommate, but let her know that you will need more time for yourself.
Leach Type
Some roommates will be very close to you only with the intent to make you bear the cost of everything ranging from the campus shuttle fare to things needed in the room, worse still, they want to share your dress or make you pay for the meals in the cafeteria. They are exploitative and you need to be tactful dealing with people like them. Let them know you don’t like sharing your clothes with people or tell them straight you don’t have enough money to sponsor your trip etc.Â
Domineering Type
A domineering roommate will complain about almost anything. This type of roommate likes to have things his way. She might request that you change the room décor to match the way she prefers, in the worst case; these roommates could turn aggressive and manipulative.
Nobody has the right to dictate what you do in your corner of the room. Try to communicate so that both of you can contribute to improving your relationship and making your room welcoming to everyone.
Bully or Harassing Mates
If your roommate persistently threatens you in any form, you need to report this to the Chief Porter immediately before any harm is done. If this harassment is verbal, emotional, sexual, or other issues that bother prejudices, features etc. this should not be allowed to lay low. You should never try to fight a bully, but it is vital that you maintain your ground. If your bullish roommate has had reasons to attack you; steal from you, or intentionally damaged any of your belongings, do not fight back when the situation escalates but reporting to the authority is the best thing to do. The consequences of fighting could be dangerous as the school can impose penalties on those flouting the rules. Reporting abuse is always better when you feel threatened.
CONCLUSION
Having issues to trash out with roommates is not always easy, but you can do a lot of work to put things right. You should realize that we are all humans and are fallible, so it is important to maintain a good relationship with roommates as this will affect your well-being a great deal.
One great approach for coping is that roommates learn to communicate with one another. This way budding problems are trashed before they become something else. Recognize individual differences and backgrounds. When there are issues to be sorted, approach your roommate in private and discuss
the issue concerning his behaviour. Be patient and listen when he talks.
You can reach an agreement on when to do a general cleaning of the room or apartment. Doing this together can strengthen bonds. In the alternative, hire someone to come do the cleaning.
Talk to your roommates directly when something is bothering you. Don’t discuss issues you are grappling with behind them because this can be regarded as a breach of trust between you. Be involved in healthy communication.
For safety reasons and the common good, it is pertinent to keep regular contact with your roommates, whether it’s to know when you’re going to be in the room or when you will be sleeping out.
For people with more than one roommate, a group chat is vital in communication. For instance, where there is a need to pass information, a chat over text or social media, like WhatsApp, Instagram or Snapchat is not only more efficient and convenient, but it also leaves a trail on the issue that may need to be addressed in future.
Criticism and arguments are bound to happen, and your natural reaction is to respond, but that is only going to compound the situation. If both of you feel that you are approaching the limit of endurance, agree to take some time away from the discussion until your temper cools down.
The consequences of fighting could be dangerous as the school can impose penalties on those flouting the rules. Reporting abuse is always better when you feel threatened.
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