Are your Parents Breathing over your Neck?

Adolcence is that period of transition between childhood and adulthood. Children entering adolescence are going through many changes in their bodies and brains.

At this stage of their development, young people seek to have more control over their lives. Because of the physiological and emotional changes they are going through, there is the tendency to want some privacy. A young adult they have become; they begin to explore their identity, hence they see parental restrictions as over bearing, but should that be the way to feel

 During this time, adolescents grow rapidly in height and weight. They are more likely to experience increase in body hair- beards, moustache and private parts. They hero worship and are able to begin to form opinions of who they want to be; what they want to do later on in their lives, though this may change with time. 

Because some parents find it difficult to manage this stage of their children’s development so they let them be. Nobody in the home can advise or reprimand them for wrong doings. This is a wrong approach for raising a child. The consequence is that they live large; join gangs that makes them prone to drug abuse. The result could become devastating for the entire family.

Some parents are responsible for their children insolence and uncontrollable acts because they have been so pampered from childhood, because they do not want their children to grow up the hard way they did while growing. Other reasons parents indulge their kids could be for reasons of the child being the only child of the parents or for other sentimental reasons like being the only boy or girl in the family, but this could have dire consequences later in life. 

When you are over-indulged as a child, to an extent that you grow up having a wrong sense of entitlement to anything you desire in the home, this is disaster waiting to happen if your parents cannot meet up with your demands, this can result in friction.   

Should the parents let go? 

Get Close to Your Parents

Not all parents would let go, because they owe it a responsibility to see you grow to become a responsible adult that will hold his own; that will not bring the family’s name to disrepute.  They will not because they are more experienced, and would not want their children to make the same mistakes they made as young people or suffer the consequences of their inability to apply reason. This argument on maturity is one reason tension brews in the house, young people and their parents end up being at the receiving ends when discipline is compromised on account of being a matuew person.

Conflicts in the homes stems from myriads of issues  from the type of friends you keep, not partaking in house chores, the type of dresses worn, sneaking into your bag, curfew  imposition, withdrawal  of privilege, school work monitoring etc. Do you consider all of these as breathing over your neck?  

You should learn to take your parents into confidence, that way, you will be able to relate better. When you refuse to let your parents into your life, this could also lead to telling lies to cover up a lot things. Telling lies may seem a neat or clever way of getting out of messy situations. It may work out some of the time, but the long-term consequence is that it causes a lot of harm and they will find it hard to trust you.

A good example is that of a girl named Anita. She was fascinated by her schoolmate’s multiple ear piercings and colourful tattoos. She wasn’t sure how her parents would feel, so she asked her father’s opinion if she’ll be allowed to have multiple piercings. The father didn’t say was bad, but he advised her to tarry awhile to consider if she’ll continue to like it years after it has been done, especially if such procedures are irreversible and out of vogue. Anita approached her father because she was close to him, and was able to approach him. The father presented the implication and allowed her to make her choice. He did not force any option on her.

If the father had been dictatorial, she wouldn’t have told him her mind. She would have gone ahead to have the piercings and possibly some tattoos and would be ready to damn the consequence. 

Some parents may be indifferent to their children having multiple ear piercings and tattoos, whereas others would bring down the roof for something similar. Parenting styles differ, and the influence from wider family members, can cause parental conflict. For example, a child can be guided on career path, but he should be allowed to make his choice. Attempts at imposing a choice results in conflict. 

The truth remains that parents are experienced and would want the best for you, be close to them and put them into confidence and trust them. 

Believe it; you can still co-exist with your parents if the following conditions are in place:

Openness:

Let your parents know what is happening in your life. The more you let them in, the less suspicious they will be about your lifestyle and it will enable them know your limitations.  Do not restrict your talking to your parents to only when you need something from them. You should also not expect to be granted all that you request from your them. 

Appreciation:

When a request is granted, you should not forget to show appreciation, this way you are likely to open the doors to more favours.

 Honesty:

Honesty is very important in fostering the relationship between you and your parents. Lying to get out of tight situations is cowardly, even if you’ll have to face punishment. The big thing about lies is that in no distant time, you will be found out, and you’ll hate yourself for it. Failing to face up to your failure is like avoiding an opportunity to grow. Consequently, your self-worth will diminish. Sometimes when you tell a lie, be sure to put the records straight after.

Stay in Control:

Losing your temper and engaging in hot exchange with your parents will only worsen your chances of getting what you want, which may also have serious consequences.

LISTEN:

Communication is a two-way thing, if you want to be heard, you must be ready to listen. When there is peace in the home, collective resolution of problems will bring progress in the total wellbeing of everyone in the home.

When children and parents engage in quality interactions, there will be less friction.

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